My First Day As A OAU Fresher Episode 2

Episode 2

Heading back to the car, this time around with full concentration, “Una don even pack sef“…I said silently as my big head kept swinging left and right in annoyance. I moved towards my dad, I knew he wouldn’t challenge me as he understands such adventures are necessary. He was still in the car playing that his so-called old school hit single by Ebenezer Obey, he just didn’t know how much those kind of songs turned me off. I decided to rest my nerves a bit as I sat at the entrance of the car with my two prada sandals still outside firmly seated on the gravel-like surface of Anglomoz car pack.

For clarification sake, Anglomoz is the land space between Angola and Mozambique, mind you, I’m not referring to the Angola situated in the Western Atlantic Coast of Southern Africa between Namibia and the Republic of the Congo, Angola here was or rather is the name of a popular and the most childish hostel on OAU campus, where male freshers are deposited, likewise Mozambique, which is meant for those just-clocked-puberty girls who form as if they just won a competition with Nicki Minaj as the runner up. The two hostels are just opposite each other and some space like boundary between them is what was named ANGLOMOZ by God-knows-who and for God-knows-what reason, they will probably change it to my name one day, I believe, NO! I prefer changing the name of the school instead…What am I saying?? Gibberish…

“Let’s help you get your stuffs inside” my mum said. “Seems there’s a screening going on there that I must complete before I can enter“, I told her as I pointed in the direction of the entrance where the screening was taking place, “Oya go and get it done now, if you like you can engage in a journey of a forceful return again“, she cut in..

I adjusted my swag as I headed for the screening, got there and I didn’t even know where to go and what to say. “You must be a fresher!”, a somewhat not-so-goodlooking huge man challenged me with his dragon-like intimidating voice, I swiftly nodded in approval… “Then you will need your online bedspace application form, admission letter, payment slip photocopy, clearance form, birth certificate, local government certificate, WAEC result, Post UTME result, Guarantor’s filled form, course form,#200 SUG fee and #200 ID Card fee for your hostel clearance”…He listed as I looked at him surprisingly …” hunhun, why una no ask for international passport? Or green card?”, I almost said it loudly as I wondered why they decided to pose a stress by requesting such much documents all because of hostel clearance. Well “Aro don tell me say dey go frustrate my life with registrations, seems that’s the only truth that weird guy told me though”.

I proceeded to the car to get the documents, “what’s the news?”, my dad asked, “This people can trouble someone ehn, I was told to bring like 10 of my documents with #3,000 for the clearance” I lied to my dad with confidence as I inflated the fee aggressively…” Things are going off point in this nation, when I was still a student of this great citadel, things were not this hard”, My dad bragged as he reached for his purse to hand me the liquid cash..”hope this woman no go fall my hand sha, she fit just say she wan follow me go where dem dey do the clearance o“, I thought, as I stylishly checked if my mum was concentrating but luckily, she was busy with a call.

“Hmmm at least , like #2,500 don add to my purchasing ability, I go spend die for dis school!” I spoke to my ignorant self as I joined the somehow long but fast moving queue for the clearance. “But come o, people dey enter without any clearance na, and Aro tell me say I fit come back come do am sef”

For clarification sake, Aro was a neighbour of mine who finished secondary school like 3years before I did and was not even in a tertiary institution yet, but he claimed to know almost everything about the school even more than an alumnus, so his job was to go from house to house gisting people about university life which he had never experienced, though 90% of whatever he told me were deposited in the LIE folder of my belief”.

“I’m through with the clearance” I lied as I concluded to get it done sometimes later. “Let’s help you move your stuffs in“,as expected, we unleashed the loads from where they were stashed, I was instructed to carry an obviously heavy baggage and tightly packed Ghana-Must-Go sack packaged by my mum, “y dis one kon heavy like dis, sey na rock dey inside nii“, I murmured… “ I can’t allow you go hungry in school, so I had to pack anything that will last you a while without worries “, I blushed at my Mum’s reply which stimulated more strength for me to lift the loads.

Strugging continously with my luggage as I strive forward towards the entrance with my dad bouncing in front of me with free hands…”chai, dis man no even fit help me carry small of dis load, well, na big man, e no go make sense if e dey follow me struggle with load for public“… I was still busy in thoughts when I heard someone hailing my dad from afar…”Oskondo d skondo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” That was my dad’s nickname in school, guess who hailed him?? It was that man that told me the requirements, unfortunately he was my Dad’s old school mate who couldn’t strive through the challenges of life and ended up being a hall warden…”I don die! Iffa hear say ma papa no catch me today,see how people dey stretch #200 to the man wey dey hail am wen me don collect #3,000 from am, e go wan go meet the man ooo”… I shouted in thoughts as my dad and the man’s conversation goes thus..

Hall Warden: Oskondo d Skondo!!!!!! Tell me you brought your son !!!

My Dad: Yes ofcourse, what other reason would I have to be here.

Hall Warden: Oh! Where’s your son?

My Dad: Here he is, Come closer boy…

“My dad pointed at me as I was trying to hide at a guy’s back, unfortunately, the guy was too short, the only part of me he could cover was my feet to my belly, my face was just so glaring”

Hall Warden: Oh he really looks like you though, I think I’ve seen you today

“I stay fixed to a point with all eyes on me, I nodded”

Hall Warden: But you’ve not done the clearan….

“He couldn’t complete the deadly statement before my dad cut in with the deadliest question directed to the him…”

My Dad: You guys are not trying o… How come the fee is so high just for hostel clearance

…I fainted in spirit while my physical self started singing silently “Yawa dey ooo!!!”… 

To be continued…

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My First Day As A OAU Fresher

Episode 1

Bouncing out of my Dad’s transport machine with my Prada sandal and my supposed-fake versace round-neck vest, I had a sigh of relief after a very boring journey filled with the hiphop LESS jams of Ebenezer Obey and the warning notes of my Mum all which went a million miles East and North but still ended up pointing to the statement “Remember the son of whom you are”… She had been echoing it into my hearing ever since I struggled to scape through UTME almost a year before, only God knows why she kept repeating something I already knew more than the National anthem.

Back to the matter, it was the first day on campus and the environment seemed like a reduced size and maintained population of Onitsha market. We were halted in a traffic jam some few metres away from the hostel gate, all hands folded on chest except my Dad’s which was firmly fixed to the steering as if someone was heading in his direction to hijack the car. I was just seated at the owner’s seat feeling like the best in the world, perhaps due to the fact that I was the first dude from my ghetto surroundings spending his first day on the campus of a reputable university…“Hey boy, go and check what’s causing this hold-up, if it’s something severe let me drop you here and head back to my hood”, my Dad’s thick voice interrupted my proud thoughts. I stepped out of the container and started zig-zagging as I hustled my way forward on the busy path of ANGLOMOZ.

Neglecting and partially forgetting the main reason why I was out in the crowd, I was caught up in an unknown wonderland and carried away with the sight-seeing of fancy cars and pretty young girls. I murmured silently as different questions which were against my notions flashed through my confused head, I was like “No be Aro tell me say na children of middle class citizens dey come this school?? If na this kain cars middle class citizens dey use den which class my papa kon dey?? Lowest class??…No be Aro tell me say all this fresh girls go small and they go dey gullible?? Say I fit dey woo them anyhow as a fine boy wey I be and I never even see my level since??”…I stayed glued to a spot as I looked around… “See how this one carry shoulder up like say the whole world dey under her heels, she no even look my side”, I murmured as I looked in the direction of an obviously proud daughter of something like a drug baron, judging from the big bags and the number of neatly dressed elders following her.

“O’boi this campus go hot o”, I grumbled as I continued my survey…“Mehn, see this chick, that’s my exact search match! Let me famz her by helping her with her bags jhawe, there’s no qualm about that”, I foolishly concluded in my mind and was about to make the move…Paaaaaaaaaaa!!! Sounded like the burst of a tire, that was a hot slap on my back from my mum. I was still trying to regain the blood that flew away from the slapped zone when I noticed the whole world, or to be factual, almost everyone within 100metres of range were looking in my direction. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t smile and couldn’t cry as I followed her lead like a prefix, grudgingly…She faced me and spoke “We’ve been waiting for you since, you were just there looking like a lost goat, you have started your rubbish again sey?”… I kept mute, looking desperately frustrated as I thought “Nd so? This woman no even sabi say na public we dey, I just pray say my new target babe no see me that time, make my first impression no soil”… I grumbled as I paused to adjust my sagging belt.

TO BE CONTINUED……………

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